Spirituality of Aging Resources

10 november 2026 meeting

Topic: THE LANGUAGE OF AGING

In our session on October 22, we talked a bit about the words society applies to adults in the later stages of their lives. Words like 'senior', 'elder', 'old', 'mature', etc, are common. Some seem more respectful of the aging experience than others, and we each probably have our personal likes and dislikes, perhaps due to how we've heard the terms used.

As I grapple with growing older, I focus more on how I verbalize the experience to myself than on what the culture-at-large says, but the two are connected and both are worth exploring. 

Marian and I exchanged some thoughts via text, and among other things, she pointed out how the use of language is undergoing a radical shift due to AI / Large Language Models (LLMs). If machines can use language about as well as humans, but with much greater reach of memory and in far shorter time spans, how does that alter our experience of growing older? Many of us have worked to develop good language and writing skills, often through years of study. What are the implications of growing older in a society with this new and powerful way of generating language?

While LLMs may be part of our discussion on 10 November, the language of aging is probably more about how we are named and described. On those lines, Marian sends this AI generated summary of terms pertaining to aging:

Here is a categorized list of words related to aging, life stages, and growing older, compiled from resources like Merriam-Webster and Related Words.

Action & Biological Process Words

• Maturing: Becoming older, fully grown, or developed.

• Ripening: Reaching a state of full development or seasoning (similar to fruit or wine).

• Graying: The physical process of hair turning white or gray with age.

• Senescence: The biological process of deterioration and functional decline in an organism as it ages.

• Degenerating: Slowly breaking down or declining in physical or mental function.

• Mellowing: Becoming calmer, gentler, or more experienced over time.

Adjectives for Older Ages & Life Stages

• Elderly: Typically used to describe an older adult entering later life (often defined around ages 60–75).

• Senior: A respectful and standard term for an older person.

• Aged: Advanced in years.

• Venerable: Accorded a great deal of respect because of age, wisdom, or character.

• Sexagenarian: A person in their 60s.

• Septuagenarian: A person in their 70s.

• Octogenarian: A person in their 80s.

• Nonagenarian: A person in their 90s.

• Centenarian: A person who has reached or surpassed the age of 100.

Scientific & Formal Terms

• Gerontology: The scientific study of biological, psychological, and social aspects of aging.

• Geriatrics: The branch of medicine focused on health care and diseases in older adults.

• Longevity: Long life or the extended duration of an individual's lifespan.

• Chronological age: The exact amount of time a person has lived from birth.

Idiomatic & Descriptive Phrases

• Golden years: A euphemistic reference to post-retirement later life.

• Long in the tooth: An informal expression meaning old or aging (originally used for horses).

• Over the hill: A colloquial term meaning past one's prime or entering old age.

22 october 2026 meeting

Topic: REST

Like most people in retirement, I find ways to stay busy, creative, engaged, etc. Without doubt, there is value in staying active. Yet the very word, “retirement” suggests we also have the opportunity to do something that’s challenging when working full time. We can rest. But do we?

I asked AI about rest and seniors, and it gave me the response below. Some of it centers on sleep, which is often an issue for aging adults (I struggle with it myself). We can take steps to improve sleep, and there are many resources online that can help. Yet the quality of sleep is beyond our conscious control; we can set the stage but sleep has rhythms we don't consciously choose. 

For tomorrow’s discussion, let’s talk about how we can choose to step away from activity and simply rest. I used orange font below to highlight where the AI response touches on why choosing rest is important.

Quality rest is vital for seniors because it repairs cells, strengthens the immune system, clears brain toxins, and sharpens reaction times to prevent dangerous falls. Most older adults need 7 to 8 hours of sleep per night, alongside intentional daytime pauses to recover from physical or mental fatigue. 

Why Rest Matters as We Age

• Cell and Muscle Repair: Aging slows down natural recovery and protein synthesis, making downtime essential for healing joints, muscles, and tissues. 

• Brain and Cognitive Health: During deep sleep, the brain processes memories, clears out waste products, and reduces the risk of cognitive decline. 

• Fall Prevention: Fatigue slows balance, gait, and reaction time; structured rest and shorter activity breaks lower the chance of accidental slips or trips. 

• Heart and Metabolic Protection: Consistent rest helps regulate blood pressure, lower systemic inflammation, and cut the risk of heart disease and diabetes. 

• Mood Support: Good sleep lowers chronic stress, anxiety, and the likelihood of depressive symptoms. 

Thinking about rest in retirement brings to mind the Nap Ministry, a project to reclaim our human need and right to rest. 

The key seems to be balance. Activity is important, but so is deliberate, mindful rest. For me, this means sitting or lying down for quiet time. That can be challenging when there’s a lot going on, but I do my best to nap every day while also finding times to sit, meditate, enjoy nature, etc. Sometimes my mind stays very busy even when I’m taking breaks, but as much as possible I gently redirect it. Rather than thinking, planning, evaluating, correcting, strategizing, criticizing, worrying, etc, I direct attention toward my body, my surroundings, local beauty, etc. Often this feels hard, and I find myself slipping back into thinking and planning. Yet I keep returning my attention to the restfulness of the present moment, again and again, as needed. This is, of course, mindfulness, here applied to resting. I don’t find it easy, but—for me—it feels necessary. It’s a rest for my mind.

What is your relationship with rest?

Marian suggests this video about aging, activity, and making choices.

8 october 2026 meeting

Topic: Fear & Courage. 

Fear was one of the reasons I felt the need for a Spirituality of Aging Club. In my case, fear isn't only about fearing the challenges of aging. I’ve felt fear my whole life, in part because of a scary childhood. Some of my fears came true. Others proved groundless. And problems I never anticipated sometimes laid me low. There was a lesson in all this: fear didn’t prepare me for reality. It only confused and depleted me. 

That realization did not end my fear. It still arises, and the experience of aging gives it plenty of cause. This article provides a brief list of common fears in later life. There are many similar listings online. They tend to focus on common societal issues, like finances, usefulness, and isolation. More rarely, they list existential fears (especially fear of dying). I’ve not come across one that describes my frequent companion: a free-floating fear born of the knowledge that many painful things can happen as people age, and some of them will surely happen to me. 

Somehow, the fear seems oblivious to the fact that painful things have already happened, and I've gotten through them. Often they spurred spiritual growth and demonstrated an inner strength I hadn't known I possessed..

In other words, we enjoy saving graces like fortitude, faith, and courage. We can remember that we've endured a lot in our lives, and that we are capable making it through difficulty and learning from it. We can lean into our fortitude. We can also have faith in nature, our bodily capacity to maintain balance and heal. We can have faith in widespread human kindness, which continues despite (and sometimes because of) the bad behavior of some people. These and other truths are part of the phenomenon we call courage, sometimes described as the ability to move forward in the face of fear.

Fear and courage can coexist. In fact, the latter only has meaning because of the former.

After our group Thursday, Penny sent a video highlighting the undeniable value of optimism. Since I'm not often optimistic, it isn't a resource I thought of before or during our meeting ysterday. A link to the recording is followed by some thoughts I have about optimism, based (of course) on my own relationship with it.

https://fb.watch/v/avT_uMz65/?fs=e

I agree optimists are happier, and it seems plausible that they live longer. I haven’t read the studies, but it makes sense.

And, in principle I’m in favor of positive thinking. However, it’s often been hard for me, personally.

I haven't looked into the topic, but I wonder what percentage of optimism is genetic, vs open to choice, vs the result of supportive early life experience. 

To the degree pessimism comes from early hardship, then there’s a confounding factor when we talk of survival and happiness, in that early hardship shortens life and is correlated with higher rates of depression. Yet I’ve definitely known people with harsh pasts who seem pretty optimistic, even so. It'd be interesting to see if, in those case, longevity and happiness are more common relative to those who also come from harsh backgrounds but are pessimistic.

In sum, it seems clear that one approach to the problem of fear is optimism. It’d be foolish to argue against it. Still, I must admit to feeling tempted to come down on the side of realistic rather than unrealistic optimism. For instance, the habitual gambler has a sort of optimism, but although winning can occur in the short term, the force of statistics ensures that over the long run there loss will exceed gain. To be an optimistic gambler is thus unrealistic (there may be reasons to gamble, but expecting to come out ahead over the long run should not be one of them). 

On the other hand, to be optimistic in the face of a serious illness seems wise, and although I haven't looked into the topic much, I believe research demonstrates that optimists tend to have better outcomes.

When it comes to fear, I'm actually less interested in outcomes than in how we deal with the pain it causes. Partly we can reframe our situation so it feels less frightening; optimism is one way to do that. Partly, too, we can have faith in our capacity to endure and even to grow spiritually even when material circumstances go against us. For me, the habitual pessimist, I've found the latter strategy more reliable and believable. But people are all unique, and all must find what works for themselves.

During our session, I quoted a line from Mary Oliver's famous poem, When Death Comes. Here is a nice reading of it, produced in honor of aging: https://www.pbssocal.org/shows/art-medicine/clip/when-death-comes-mary-oliver-h8bhap. The text is available widely, including via this Library of Congress link. 

It was inspiring and touching to hear people's personal experiences and coping strategies yesterday. It reminded me that my own opinions and approaches are valuable for me but may not be useful for others. And certainly there are ways of dealing with fear that I seldom think about. For instance, some people truly don't experience much fear and instead grapple more with dread. Some have more optimism and faith than I do. Some focus on arranging their affairs on a practical level. Many have been inspired by their loved ones, who offer support and model courage. And so on. 

I came away from our discussion with a new understanding something I read long ago: "fear is the opposite of love". This saying popped into my head during our discussion, and I thought about it a lot afterward. Fear has been so active in my experience lately, it's left me feeling rather worn down. But after reminding myself about its opposite, love, I was able to soften the hardship of feeling afraid. I saw that my fears are actually about my loves: I love my wife, I love my independence, I love my health, I love my dogs, I love social harmony and societal wellbeing. Fear comes up when I feel these loves are threatened. Since our discussion, I've been able to focus on what I love, not my fears about its impermanence, vulnerability, etc. 

In the Mindfulness Club this week we heard some good advice from Elaine: don't focus on what you fear; focus on what you want (such as health, harmony, etc). With a slight rephrasing, it becomes: don't focus on what you fear; focus on what you love. 

For now, it has freed me from the burden of fear I'd been carrying. I've reconnected with courage.

Many thanks to the Spirituality of Aging Club. It helps!

Here'a a contribution from Gloria. She says it is a poem written by Charlie Chaplin, probably when he was about 70. It speaks to the universal laws of being human.

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!

24 september 2026 meeting

Topic: Limitation vs Simplicity. 

As we all know, aging imposes limitations. One solution is to remain as active as possible. Another, compatible with the first, is to find opportunities in loss. Our time and outlook may open as we are forced to cut back on roles and activities. And it's worth remembering that monasteries are sanctuaries of simplicity—of limitation—because it promotes spiritual growth. 

For many of our prior sessions I’ve suggested resources. This time, in the spirit of simplicity, I’m not doing that. We’ll have plenty to talk about from just our own experience. Still, contributions from others are welcome, and will be posted here.

During the discussion I mentioned the anonymous 14th century text "The Cloud of Unknowing" because it disusses how contemplative practice contrasts with active work, but is nonetheless valuable. Here's a link to one of the translations I've enjoyed.

I quoted some lyrics Mandy brought home from a retreat: 

All things are impermanent.

They arise and they pass away.

To be in harmony with this truth

Brings great happiness.

It's a translation of words from the Maha-Parinibbana Sutta from the Pali canon of early Buddhism.

10 september 2026 meeting

Topic: What about Near Death Experiences? 

When we meet on September 10, it might be interesting to discuss the many reports of ’near death experiences’. What do we think about these? How do they alter our feelings about mortality, whether we contemplate loved ones we’ve lost or fear losing, or think about dying ourselves?

There are many books about the topic, of course. I like the works of Sam Parnia, because he’s a critical care physician and has deep understanding of the medical issues while also lots of experiences with people who’ve been resuscitated after clinical death (though some people have complained that his writing is repetitive and hard to follow). Erasing Death is his most popular book. Also, I just found this interview gives a shorter summary of his ideas. The classic text in this genera is Life after Life by Raymond Moody. My wife, Mandy, gave me this book to read when we met in 1991. It started me on a long process of reexamining what I thought I knew about death. There are many other good books. Please let me know your favorites, and I’ll post them here.

For your convenience, I enlisted AI to write a summary of the Near Death Experience (NDE), including its common features, historical context, and how it's interpreted by different groups and traditions.

Contributions: 

Sheila-Merle suggests the Surviving Death series, on Netflix. She also recommends, the 'A Year to Live Program' at Spirit Rock, which is offered annually. She also suggests a text used by that program: A Year to Live: how to live this year as if it were your last, by Stephen Levine.

13 august 2026 meeting

Topic: What makes life worth living? 

You might want to look at this article: 10 Lessons In Living Happily From the Oldest of The Old. Also, this short video with Viktor Frankl and a young man with paraplegia is worth viewing. 

Please contemplate what makes your life worth living; pondering philosophical abstractions will be less valuable. Here are some questions to help with contemplation:

• Are there activities you can no longer do that once seemed essential to your happiness? Did losing them make your life feel less worth living? Why or why not?

• Have any new activities have come into your life that bring unexpected value? What makes them valuable?

• Can you think of experiences or connections that give your life meaning and are likely to be available right up to the very end of your life, perhaps even on your deathbed?

• Have you ever felt life isn’t worth living? What was going on? What changed?

• These days we have Medical Aid in Dying and other options that allow a measure of control over when we die. Do you think you might someday choose to actively end your life? What would prompt that decision?

• Have you known or heard about someone in very fortunate circumstances who seemed to find little value in life?

• Have you known or learned about someone in circumstances you imagine would make life unlivable, but who seemed happy to be alive?

• Does aging add or subtract value from your life?

• Does mortality add or subtract value from your life?

• What role does spirituality play in your sense of life being worth living? How has this changes as you’ve aged?

Contributions since last session: 

Tori sent an essay and poem she received about aging gratefully.

23 july 2026 meeting

Topic: Aging & Happiness.

Two resources suggested before the Club meeting:

• Buck Center Video: Older People are Happier! By Laura Carstensen, PhD.

• Scientific American article: With Age Comes Happiness: Here's Why, by Marta Zaraska

During the session, I spoke about Mandelbrot Set (fractal) videos. Click here for an example. They've become famous because of how nature displays fractals in many systems (such as the branching of trees, river tributaries, and vascular systems, all of which look similar). I find them instructive because human life repeats so many patterns, with variations, through time and space, on many scales. Watching fractal videos helps put things in perspective for me. So does watching this video of James Webb Telescope images.

Contributions during the preceding week:

Glen suggested a great piece entitled, One Day, You Will Look Back On This Time, And All You Will See Is Magic by Brianna Wiest.

• Pamela provided an inspiring New York Times article about simplifying our mental lives. 

• Jody pointed to the Institute of Noetic Studies (IONS), which opens their About page with this description: "Through modern scientific inquiry, we seek to better understand a timeless truth — humanity is deeply interconnected."  

• Tori shared a soon-to-be-relased PBS documentary about Mary Oliver. 

9 July 2026 MEETING

Topic: Faith.

 I used AI to generate a list of Faiths.

Marian sent an AI-generated list of spiritual needs:

In psychological and holistic healthcare, the concept of the 7 spiritual needs is widely based on the work of Howard Clinebell. These common spiritual hungers act as guidelines to achieve inner wellness, meaning, and connection throughout

life. 

Core spiritual needs include:

1. Meaning and hope: The vital beliefs that give a sense of purpose and hope, particularly when facing losses, tragedies, or failures.

2. Love: The need to both give and receive love unconditionally.

3. Justice, integrity, and love of self: Holding core values and priorities that provide guidance in living a personally and socially responsible life. 

4. Inner wisdom and creativity: The ongoing process of discovering, valuing, and developing one's own inner wisdom and creative potential. 

5. Oneness: Developing an expanding awareness of being connected to other people, to nature, and to the broader universe.

6. Joy, play, and humor: Cultivating the ability to embrace playfulness, appreciate beauty, and find lightness even in difficult circumstances.

7. Growth: The continuous pursuit of self-actualization, lifelong learning, and expanding one's consciousness. 

Marian also sent this charming quote:

"when i was 5 years old my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. when i went to school they asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up. i wrote down 'happy'. they told me i didn't understand the assignment and i told them they didn't understand life." —john lennon

Tori sent this recorded webinar: The Heart of Elderhood: How to Age Consciously and Help Others Do the Same with with Hedy Schleifer & Paul Browde from the Academy of Therapy Wisdom. (Just so you know: the 90 minute video is free to watch, but it also promotes a paid online program).

25 JUNE 2026 MEETING

Topic: Aging as spiritual opportunity. 

An essay I wrote about the topic was the starting point, but the conversation ranged widely. We talked about loneliness, vulnerability, bewilderment around the thought of death and 'just ending', etc. We talked also about how we can build community, and how our club is actually doing just that. We also talked about sources of courage, which include connection with others, and much more.

We didn't have a lot of time to talk about death and its implications, but we can circle back to that topic in the future. In the meantime, here are two blog posts I've written about some possibilities:

• playing with the afterlife

• hypothesizing about the afterlife

They were written years ago, and although I've updated them (with some help from AI), they no longer align with my main focus. These days, I believe it's most important to experience consciously directly, in all its dimensions. Theorizing about it or what happens to it after we die is interesting but less valuable than exploring it intimately, personally, and in a spirit of wonder. 

Marian sent the following lovely song:

Based on a Teddy Roosevelt quote, this song echoes my mother's adage: "All you can do is the best you can." Shine and grow right where you are.

SHINE

Shine like a star
Do all you can
With what you have
In the place you are

Shine like a star
Do all you can
In the time you have
In the place you are

Everybody falters, everybody falls down
Everybody feels afraid most all the time
In the dark, bravely, like a star in a stone boat
Like a magic lantern, go ahead and shine

...

Out there, out upon the hard ground
Impossible beauty shines in bloom
Sometimes, somebody try to steal the shine
'Cause they found it beautiful, what you gonna do?

...

It's not fool's gold
Not the Golden Calf
It's the lightning flash
When the love shines

...

*Words and Music by Cris Williamson. Based on words by Theodore Roosevelt Additional lyrics Cris Williamson
© 2009 Cris Williamson/ Bird Ankles Music (BMI)

Link to recorded version.

Barry sent this relevant quote:

So many people gave me something or were

something to me without knowing it... -

I always think that we all live, spiritually, by what

others have given us in the significant hours of

our life. These significant hours do not announce

themselves as coming but arrive unexpected.

We find ourselves in a new movement of thought.

In a movement where, through science and

through the searching of our hearts, everything

has become mysterious. Science has led us from

knowledge to knowledge but also from mystery to

mystery. Mystery alone can lead us on to true

spirituality, to accept and be filled with the mystery

of life in our existence. 

—Albert Schweitzer

11 JUNE 2026 MEETING

Topic: What Is Spirituality?

The link goes to an online piece that provides a nice summary of ways people think about and experience spirituality. We will have many opportunities to share personal reflections on spirituality as we continue to meet, so it’s helpful to consider a range of possibilities. As always, my hope is that our club will create room for us to explore the spirituality of aging in community, according to our individual backgrounds, needs, and temperaments, while remaining open and curious about differing understandings and experiences.

28 MAY 2026 MEETING

Topic: Aging, spirituality, and living. 

We began with a Mary Oliver poem, available at this link, in both written and audiovisual formats. Some resources were mentioned during our discussion, including:

From Barry:

• Here is the link to Marin Villages — a Great Organization.

From Will:

• This talk by Ram Dass explains how religions can support healthy spirituality, when we don't use them to create divisions or self-importance.

• My free video classes explain how biology figures into my spirituality.

14 MAY 2026 MEETING

Topic: Plans & Expectations. 

Our first meeting began witha discussion of what we all hope to get out of the club. 

My personal hope is that the club will emphasize aging's gifts: greater contentment, more wisdom and stability, increased capacity to guide others, more time to explore neglected interests, more space for contemplation and simple being, increased ease around change and mortality, etc. Although ESCOM could use a club about nutrition, exercise, online resources, and other tools for aging well, this club will not focus on the pragmatics of aging, but on its spiritual opportunities. Note that ’spiritual’ can be about secular values like finding meaning and purpose, and it can also be about exploring our connection with mystery and even divinity. The club is meant to warmly welcome all perspectives and needs.

That’s the general idea of the club, and we made a good start in our first meeting. How things unfold going forward depends on our collective experiences, concerns, and aspirations. 

why a Spirituality of Aging Club?

I came up with the idea for the club in early 2026. I started it because even though—as a 67-year-old—I was at the younger end of the range of ages considered "senior", I'd already been dealing with aging issues for a quarter century.

My own aging journey began shortly after I turned forty. That's when spinal problems ended my surgical career, which soon led to additional somatic and mental health problems, many of which are more common in late life rather than middle age. This premature aging grew out of childhood adversity, which has been shown to cause health problems that get more common as we age (heart disease, cancer, etc). By causing inner turmoil and stress, early hardship increases rates of tobacco and other substance dependence, as well as mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Both the stress and the unhealthy behaviors that attempt to alleviate it are hard on the body, causing inflammation, excess muscle tension, poor body mechanics, deconditioning, etc. The body ages more rapidly than it would under less stress, with healthier behavior patterns.

Of course, we don't need childhood adversity to age. Even people from happy homes who lead relatively easy and healthy lives experience aging, with its declines in function, changes in appearance, proneness to illness, etc. Everyone has to deal with it, sooner or later. Because I began grappling with aging issues at a younger age than many, and because I'd found myself growing more spiritually motivated as a result, starting a Spirituality of Aging Club felt natural. It seemed like I'd learned some strategies that might help others, including those who hadn't faced a slew of aging issues in midlife.

I've recognized more recently that there was also a self-serving aspect to my launch of the club. I wanted (needed?) to talk with and learn from others. In that sense, at least, the club has succeeded. It's been very helpful to me. I hope it helps others, and from report I believe it has. But I can say with certainty that exploring these topics in community has proven very healing to myself.